He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's always time for handjobs
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Randomize
