I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
