I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize