i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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