My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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