Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
