she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
