tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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