Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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