for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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