no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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