forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
false alarm, still single
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize