don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
