All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
