it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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