in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
