My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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