i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
