Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You left your phone here
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