Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
