Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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