Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
