He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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