That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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