my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
