Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
