I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
the raccoons are back...
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