It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
