it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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