Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
not ubering you a puppy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
