it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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