let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Randomize
