i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
