These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
