I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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