if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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