You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
