Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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