last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
