i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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