You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
