i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
