in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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