I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
