I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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