Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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