I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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