in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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