Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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