He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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