I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
