I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
