Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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