ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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