wanna go halves on a baby?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
