so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
