Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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