saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
