it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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