You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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