i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
