Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
