Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Shame - the story of my life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
