I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
